The 'C' Word
Posted in Nourishment for the Spirit » Kathy's Blog on Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My intention for the blog feature on my website was to simply include the blog I do at work. After some news I received recently that really shook me, I thought I might start another blog. My apologies if it's a bit self-indulgent.   I feel a bit like ‘Julie’ from Julie and Julia. I don’t even know if anyone will be reading this but it feels therapeutic for me.

 The news I received is the news that many of you may have also received…. whether it was for you, a friend or a family member.    "It's cancer".
 My mom has had several health issues in recent years. Ultimately, she was diagnosed with several auto-immune diseases. Four to be exact. My mom…. quite the over-achiever! As a result, she has numerous symptoms she's had to deal with on a daily basis. But the last couple of weeks, she has had a lump in her neck near her ear. In one of our frequent conversations, she mentioned it seemed to be growing and was annoyed that it wasn’t going away so she made the doctor appointment. 
 At that initial appointment last December, they stuck a needle in her neck for a specimen.   Mom called me with the results…. "Looks suspicious. I'll need a biopsy". We then talked about how we 'didn't have a bad feeling' about this. Anytime mom called with a new symptom, I would tell her "my 'gut' says it's nothing serious…..I don't have a bad feeling about it". I don't know if it's just the optimist in me or my true women's intuition.
 The day before her biopsy, mom sent an email to three of her four children….. the three children who did NOT call her to wish her well for her appointment the next day (myself included).  This is what she sent……
     I know this is a busy time of year for the three of you but I'm a little hurt and disappointed that you couldn't take the time to call and wish me well tomorrow. 
     Part of me feels everything will turn out ok and part of me is scared because this lump is so big and hard and my lymph node is pretty big. 
     It means a lot to have your loved ones and friends call or e-mail saying they are praying for you, etc. and will be thinking of you.  But, for my own kids to not even touch base is hurtful.
     I've got a nasty cough to boot and only slept 3 hours last night so am going to bed early so if you get this tonight and feel guilty about not calling (which you should - I could be a pretty good Jewish mom) please don't call me.  We have to be up at 5 to get to the hosp at 6 tomorrow.
Mom
Whoa. We didn’t even get a “LU” (She always signs her letters “I Love You”. If she’s in a hurry, she’ll at the least sign “LU” for ‘love you’.) 
 Yes, it was a busy day. As soon as I left work, I headed to my daughter’s school to help set up for the 3rd Grade “Christmas Around the World” program.  Which, by the way, as my daughter was about to go on stage, I noticed she had taken her sweater dress and pulled it down around her waist leaving her turtleneck and what appeared to be a skirt. She tried tucking in the sleeves as pockets but they were working themselves out as she walked up on stage. Terrific.
Cleaned up the party trays, came home, started in on dinner and homework with the kids. After dinner, I checked my email.  There it was. I called her right away. As I was calling it occurred to me that a biopsy was SURGERY. This is pretty serious stuff for her.
Have you ever had that horrible feeling of letting down someone you love…. someone that counts on you to be there when they’re scared….someone that is ALWAYS there for you? I don’t know if there’s a worse feeling in the world. 
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